When a marriage ends, there’s always collateral damage done to those you love, and have loved. Extended family, in-laws, friends that you used to see as a couple, all disperse and take sides. If there’s children, like in my case, then you need to duck and take cover from the endless barrage of questions. “Why are you leaving?” “Why don’t you go to therapy?” “Why is it ending?” “Why can’t you work it out?” Why, why, why? Then there’s the mother of all bombs, “What about the children?” There is nothing more painful and guilt-inducing than causing the people you love pain, no matter what the reason.
Guilt is a powerful and, like all feel-bad emotions, physically painful. It induces a primordial fear that is at the root of our unworthiness and un-deservability.
Guilt doesn’t always come from a specific event like filing for divorce or calling into work sick when you’re really going to Disneyland. Sometimes you can feel guilty for just being alive! And sometimes you can feel guilty for having been abused by another person, as in, “Maybe I did something to make him want to hurt me.”
No matter the cause of your guilt, as a system of energy, you radiate your unconscious thoughts and feelings. The vibration of guilt reverberates out into the Universe creating an energetic boundary that keeps you from having and experiencing all the good that Life wants to give you.
So how do you forgive yourself, let go, and move on?
1. Recognize that Life is kind. Life doesn’t seek to punish you. It is a Light that shines on the saint as well as the sinner. Life is God in form and action, and therefore It is Love and Goodness. Life operates through a consistent Law that gives to you what you believe you deserve. The more you believe in your deservability, the more Life will gift to you, and the more you’ll enjoy it.
2. You are here to experience Joy and Abundance. I believe this is the most important point. God/Universe is not a moral system meant to judge, condemn, and punish you or anyone else. You are here to learn how to love unconditionally and experience Joy as a result.Unconditional love starts with you, loving you, and forgiving you. Guilt, creates un-deservability, and un-deservability is the antithesis to you being a child of God and the vehicle for His/Her love to radiate through you on this beautiful earth. Remember, you are the inheritor of the kingdom of heaven.
3. There’s no such thing as failure, only feedback. Add this statement to your list of mantras, because it will make you a powerful and conscious co-creator in your life.Because Life is kind, there is a system of feedback that when you make a mistake, you will have a negative experience. Guilt is the result of reliving the painful experience over and over again, making yourself poor in spirit and sick in body and mind. This is suffering, and it is not necessary for you to learn how to stay focused on your path.
4. Energy Exercise: Start forgiving, and stop punishing yourself. Guilt is energetic self-punishment. To help you let go, do this exercise.
Imagine a child standing in front of you. This child is you, (If you need to, get a picture of yourself as a child and look at it while performing the exercise). The picture of you as a child should be clear in your mind.
Now say to the child, “I love you. I’m so sorry for withholding love from you. I didn’t know any better. Please forgive me.” Yes, you are asking the inner child for forgiveness. Don’t be afraid, she/he wants to love you and forgive you! Now, imagine giving the child a hug and a kiss, then let the child go off and play.
If you need to, carry a picture of yourself as a child as a reminder to forgive yourself, because it’s the little girl or boy inside who is carrying around this wound.
To withhold love and continue to remind the child of his or her error is cruel, so stop doing it.
5. Practical Exercise: Take responsibility and live your best life. You’re not doing anyone any favors by living guiltily. If there is someone that you need to apologize too, do it. Whether they accept the apology or not is up to them, it’s not their responsibility to forgive you. Your responsibility is to acknowledge the action, make reparations (if appropriate), and move on.
With all my love,